Whod you bang
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Farmville is her only friend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Randomize
