You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
