I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
