Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
