my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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