I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize