And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
