put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
