i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
