Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
