Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
