In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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