At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize