Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Randomize
