Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
