Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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