He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
