i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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