Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
