So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
