i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
