Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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