I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
