Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Floor bacon is actually really good
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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