We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
