Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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