oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
