I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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