Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
