next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
