Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
