i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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