I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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