Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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