I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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