it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
