Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just want nice things and good sex
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
