They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
