I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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