pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize