My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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