but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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