We're facebook friends in real life
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
