i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
