You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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