the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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