i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
