Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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