wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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