DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
