Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
