Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
