Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
