I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize