Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
