1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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