i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
