You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
