In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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