No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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