I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
