I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You smell like stripper and shame
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im holly from the hills drunk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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