I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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