hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
