He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
