I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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