how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
