theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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