exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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