chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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