The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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