those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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