Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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