so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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