you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She announced her abortion via fbk
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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