i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
