he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
