Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if i can run in heels then i can drive
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
