Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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