I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
