i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I believe in your delicious
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
