You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
