I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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