Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
