Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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