I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
