What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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