did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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