No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
