We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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