office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
