WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
