oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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