Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize