tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What a dumb baby whore.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
