I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
