I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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