He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
