3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
