I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
