Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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