the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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