I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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