I am puke
another moral hangover. fuck.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize