Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
