I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We left the knife in your bed.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
