you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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